I'd rather forget Satuday night. A lot of it was one big mistake. I've been having a rough time, with Richard, BJ, JROTC, school coming; all of it was just too much that night. The alcohol did little to help me to forget and have some fun at Autumn's party. The problems seemed worse, magnified. The more fun I triend to have, the worse shit got. I wished BJ would have never come by. I was trying to leave, I wanted to get away because everyone was fighting and yelling at me. But, BJ and Robert kept dragging me back. I didn't realize it was BJ. I just remember seeing someone that reminded me of him and I was like, who is that? I knew it was him though when he was carrying me because I could smell him. And then I did the one thing I'll regret for a long time to come. I tried to kiss him. At the moment, I don't know what I was thinking or what made me do it, but it hurts all the same. I remember Sherry telling me that no one was going to get me because she was going to be here and I was just calming down after that ice bath I got and a few cigarettes. I was still drunk, but I was sobering up. BJ called later on and we talked for a long time, which I don't know if it made anything better or worse. I'd rather not stew on it right now.