Now that BJ is gone, maybe I should move on. he fear has just become too much. It needs to stop somehow. I'll do whatever it takes to make it go away. How will he ever understand? I love him so much, but I'm not strong enough to go through this. The feeling of terror
I get whenever he touches me or looks at me. The nightmares I've endured since the 8th grade. They're becoming stronger, which means they'll happen some time soon. Next year most likely. It has to stop. So I will run.
Posted at 02:53 pm by cassiemo
I do believe that this has been the worst week this year so far. I am now completely over Rutter, if not eternally pissed off at him. How is it that people like him find people like me? I hope his "significant other" gets back at him for me. I'm kind of hoping I'm not on his goodbye postcard list. But I still wonder if he might send one, asking how my walk home was since he decided to blow me off. Like that should have suprised me. I should have known he'd do that, as many times he's done it in the past. Fool me once, shame on him, fool me twice shame on me, fool me more than that and I need professional help. A-hole. BJ and I are back together again, hopefully for good his time. I am seriously considering marrying him before I go into the service. JROTC has been thoroughly depressing as usual these days, and of course, thanks to Chris, I have no one to help me. I'm a 2LT and I'm in no way happy about it. All I can think about is BJ, especially after the news I got. The god d@mn court's taking him away from me and he ain't done a thing wrong. He said it would be at LEAST 2 months before he came back. Be he said he'd write to me. Autumn gets to see him since she's family. She's coming over to stay the night Sunday after the squad meeting. Hopefully things come out ok in the end. Until then I gotta hold on, get good grades, get my fat 120 pound @$$ to lose weight before summer camp training, keep JROTC from falling apart, and pretend I know what I'm doing and hope it all one day comes to me. Heaven help me cause God knows no one else will.
The road is always shorter when two people walk it.
--- Anon
Posted at 02:51 pm by cassiemo
